The Yami Switch
by Professor Specter
Summary: Yugi was unfortunate enough to ask what would happen if Yami and Bakura switched bodies. Next thing Yugi and Ryou know, Bakura is the pharoah and Yami is dying his hair white. Short and funny.
1. Yugi's Fault

**The Yami Switch!**

Yugi was unfortunate enough to wonder what would happen if Ryou didn't have Bakura as a yami in just the right circumstances. Next thing he and Ryou know, Bakura is the pharaoh and Yami is dying his hair white.

…………………PRESS…………………. START ……………………

Yugi: Uh boy.  
Specter: You sound like this is a bad thing.  
Ryou: Isn't it though?  
Bakura, Yami: It's terrible! We can't switch bodies!  
Yugi: Come to think of it…  
Ryou: For them it might be interesting.  
Specter: I knew you'd see it my way.  
Bakura: I hate you.  
Yami: Me?  
Bakura: No! I mean yes! I wasn't talking to you! **Anime forehead pulse  
**Specter: Ryou, if you'd be so kind…  
Ryou: Specter does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! in any way other than her demented mentality, but I advise not suing that…  
Specter: I'll save my shuth for later.

………………………………………………

……………_Can you say_…………………………

………………………………………..

**Yugi's Fault**

"Thanks for inviting me over, Ryou."

"No problem. I thought we could use a nice change of pace," said Ryou, smiling as he opened his apartment door. Yugi closed it behind him, somewhat apprehensively.

"You're sure that Bakura won't be mad?" asked Yugi. "Or something along those lines?" He and Ryou walked down the hall to the living room and saw Bakura, sprawled out on the couch, TV remote in hand, fast asleep. Ryou put his bag on the low cocktail table, Yugi watching him confused.

"He'll be 'something along those lines' in a minute," said Ryou. He moved to the head of the couch and carefully leaned over, face nearing the tomb raiders. Yugi started to blush. **Anime circle cloud**

"R—Ryou, you don't have to do all that!" he stammered. "I mean—"

"BAKURA!" Ryou shouted. **Yugi Anime fallback **

"AAARRGGGHHHHH!" **Bakura Anime fallback… fall-off couch**

"WAKE UP!"

"GOD DAMN IT, I'M AWAKE!" He pointed to Ryou behind him, glaring at the British boy. "What the hell did I say about—!" Ryou grabbed his wrist and moved his hand so it pointed at Yugi. Bakura sat up. "Why is he here?" **Yugi anime sweatdrop**

"I invited him over to study. Just him and not the Pharaoh, who'd be trying to duel you while you strangle him," said Ryou brightly. **Yugi bigger anime sweatdrop, Bakura anime sweat drop **

"You say that like it's an ordinary event," grumbled Bakura.

"Isn't it?" said Ryou, smile dropping. "Oh well. You're always complaining I never give you fair warning to when I have company, so I thought I'd give you a fair warning today." Ryou picked up his bag and led Yugi down the hall to his room, Bakura staring unpleasantly at him until he vanished from view.

"Was there any point in that?" asked Yugi, sitting on Ryou's bed.

"To warn him that you were here like I said. And it was fun."

"I heard that," growled Bakura, stalking past the room.

"No you didn't," said Ryou. The grave robber's face reappeared in the doorway, only to be shut out by Ryou slamming the door. "See? He's a barrel of laughs!"

"Ehehehehe…" laughed Yugi nervously. **Anime sweatdrop** "Sure!"

An hour or so passed by without too much incident as Ryou and Yugi finished homework and studied for some upcoming tests. Except for these weird irregular slamming sounds… Yugi would look up every time he heard the front door slam, even after Ryou said it was just Bakura trying to catch someone off guard and send them to the Shadow Realm. It made Yugi uneasy, but he tried to ignore it and pray every time that no one was out there to be caught.

"Finally," said Yugi, stacking his textbooks and shoving them in his bag. "We are done. Happy, happy, oh yeah, happy." Ryou laughed.

"I think we've earned something to eat, if there is anything decent left in the fridge," said Ryou. "Bakura eats like the madman he is; I _still _don't know where he puts it all." He and Yugi entered the kitchen; Yugi sat on a bar stool at the island as Ryou opened the fridge and cupboards. Bakura had reclaimed his spot on the couch again, just within plain view of Yugi. The sharp dark chocolate colored eyes never left Yugi's face.

_Poor Ryou, _thought Yugi. _He has such a mean yami, but he's really nice and friendly. Ryou puts up with Bakura, even makes fun out of stuff that would scare the living sh-t outta me. Bakura was looking to kill and Ryou just took it in strides and pointed at me. It's not fair to Ryou… I wish there was a way for him to switch places with somebody…anybody who isn't so mean._

"Oi! You, mate! Yugi, snap out of it."

"Wha? Oh yeah." Yugi caught a whiff of melted butter. He turned and saw Ryou holding out a bag of popcorn. "Popcorn!" (A/N: I made Yugi psycho over popcorn, go me! This will show up some time later.) He grabbed the bag and dumped the contents into his mouth. "Mmmmmm…" **Ryou anime sweatdrop **Yugi swallowed hard.

"Oookay…" said Ryou, throwing the bag away. "I'm glad you didn't take my hand with you." The doorbell resounded throughout the apartment. "Bakura!"

"I'm getting it, give me minute." **Yugi mushroom sigh **Finally he stopped staring at him. Geez! If he had Ryou's experience with Bakura's temper he might've said, "I know I'm cute but damn, I'm only Yami's object of fascination like that." He still probably would've been punked…

"You sure that's a good idea?" asked Yugi. Ryou grinned.

"If there's one thing I learned it's that you can never say you're sure, because anything can happen," said Ryou. **Yugi anime sweatdrop.**

"I guess—"

"AAAAAAH!"

"That was Bakura!" gasped Ryou.

"And Yami too!" The two hikaris rushed out to the door. Still inside the threshold, Bakura lay flat on his back. Outside the door, Yami lay the same way. "Yami!" cried Yugi, kneeling next to him. The sharp amethyst eyes were dull and pupiless. "Yami, speak to me!"

"Bring him inside, Yugi," said Ryou, supporting Bakura. With some difficulty, Yugi brought Yami to a hunched standing, arm wrapped around Yugi's neck. He followed Ryou—who was having a lot less trouble carrying the heavier yami in Yugi's eyes—and sat the reincarnated pharaoh on the couch. Yami's head lolled to the right, slumping on Bakura's shoulder.

"What do you think happened to them?" asked Ryou.

"Beats me," answered Yugi. Silence hung thick for a moment.

"We've got to do something," said Ryou finally. At that moment, the two alter egos stirred.

"You're alright!" said Yugi, hugging Yami.

"Get off me!" Yami snarled. He gasped clasping a hand to his mouth. He turned to his right to see an equally horrorstruck Bakura.

"AAAAAHH!" Yami stood up **Anime stars **and bashed Bakura.

"HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY BODY, PHARAOH?" Yami shouted. **Mega Anime forehead pulse **(a/n: I suddenly started thinking bout that scene in Demon Diary volume one…)

"WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANNA STEAL YOUR BODY?" retorted Bakura. **Anime tear on one eye **(a/n: I don't know how to explain that one very well, the one where their not crying but they admit their hurt) "DOES IT _LOOK _LIKE I WANT TO STEAL _YOUR_ BODY? YOU'RE THE THIEF DAMN IT, HOW DARE YOU STEAL _MY _BODY?" **Yami, Bakura anime forehead pulse**

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?" Something clicked in the back of Yugi's mind.

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooh man…" moaned Yugi. "Ryou, I think I switched them on accident."

"How?" asked Ryou.

"Why, aibou? What did I ever do wrong?" whined Bakura. **Anime squiggly tears **(a/n: you know the ones I'm talking about right?)

"I wished that Bakura would switch places with someone so you wouldn't have to put up with him," said Yugi. **Yami anime forehead pulse **"I think it worked because they were in the presence of Sennen Items."

"Switch us back, damn it!" said Yami.

"Question," said Ryou, hand in the air. Everyone else looked at him. Ryou put his hand down. "I never knew I was so commanding. Well now, I was just wondering why exactly Yami, now Bakura, was here in the first place."

"Yugi didn't tell me whether he was going to be here or at home," said Bakura. "I forgot about coming here when he was an hour later than normal." **Bakura anime sweatdrop, hand behind head **"I went around town and didn't remember till just now." **Everyone else anime fallback**

"Well Yugi… I hate to point fingers but this _is _your fault," said Ryou. "Do you think you can undo it?"

"Um…" said Yugi. Bakura looked pleadingly at him, Yami ready to kill if he so much as uttered the consonant 'n.' "I don't have the slightest clue…" **Anime sweatdrop **Yami and Bakura looked at each other, tears of total screwedness in their eyes.

"We are so damned," said Yami.

"Agreed," said Bakura. There was a pause.

"KILL HIM!" Yami and Bakura proceeded to beat the reincarnated shit out of each other.

"Some things never change…" said Ryou . **Yugi anime fall back **Ryou was smiling.

………………………………………………………………

Bakura: Inari you're evil.  
Specter: Do you like?  
Yami: No, you'll be worse than him soon.  
Ryou: Nice and lovely scary thought.  
Yugi: C'mon what could be worse than that?  
Bakura, Yami, Ryou: **Glares at Yugi  
**Yugi: …Oh… but that was her fault!  
Specter: Da hell, don't sic them on me!  
Bakura, Yami: **Advances on Specter, Sennen Eyes glowing  
**Ryou: R&R peoples.  
Specter: HELP DAMN IT! OH SH—


	2. Go home Now

**Did you miss me? evil smirk I know you did, c'mon, you can tell me…**

For the reviewers… if any…

**Specter: Special thanks to everyone who reviewed. Next time I'll write down your names, I promise. It's gonna get majorly random from here, so bail if you want, or read it for some stupid laughs so can crack up saying 'WTF?' This is my first straight up humor fanfiction I had ever written ('Pretty Kitty' was close) and this also is the only one with chapter names, so I made that a rule for all my YGO fics… as far as posting goes, I think the SonicX and Digimon one-shot I wrote were the first… To-ni-kaku, thanks again. ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!**

**ON WITH THE FIC, DAMNIT! cackle**

Specter: Feel better?  
Yami:  
Bakura:  
Ryou: I do, Specter-kun. Marshmallow?  
Specter: Yum. Thankies.  
Yugi: I think we should just start. **noticing Yami and Bakura are pissed  
**Specter: Okay. Bakura, do the disclaimer.  
Bakura: Hmph.  
Specter: …Oh Bakura! I _love _your hair! Lemme _touch _it! **reaches out to touch it  
**Bakura: ACK SHIT! SPECTER DOESN'T OWN YU-GI-OH! GET AWAY FROM MY HAIR!  
Specter: Note for everyone; when I say Bakura I mean Yami, who is now in Bakura. When I say Yami I mean Bakura, who is now Yami. Get it?

……………………………………………………

…………._and now it's time_…………………………….

…………………………………………

**Go Home. Now. **

"So can I call you Bakura since you're now him?"

"Fine."

"What about you? Can I call you Yami?"

"No. You must call me Bakura."

"That's an insult." snapped Bakura (see? I mean Yami).

"Shut it, Pharaoh." Yami snarled (see? I mean Bakura).

"Well you can't both be Bakura so you're Yami until you get your body back. Comprende?" said Yugi. "So when Téa and Joey and Grandpa ask you have to answer as Yami."

"WHAT? You expect me to be like him until your tiny ass figures out a way to change me back?" **Yami anime forehead pulse **Ryou couldn't hide a small laugh at how Yami had only said 'me.' "What?" Bakura snarled.

"Oh, I never knew the Pharaoh was so selfish. 'Change _me_ back?' Oh dear…"

"Urusei."

"Is he always this grouchy?" Yugi asked.

"Since he's used to me, no." **Yugi anime fallback **"Perhaps the answer can only be found alone, or in something simple. You should return home and brew on it. They might change and we won't notice."

"You say that like were not right beside you to hear it." Bakura said as Yugi retrieved his school stuff.

"Well, in any case, thanks again Ryou," said Yugi, standing outside the other hikari's door. Bakura sat on the back of his legs in a sobbing mess **(Bakura anime squiggle tears) **behind the British teen, too saddened to say goodbye.

"Anytime Yugi. You be good Bakura… I mean Yami." Ryou closed the door to Yami's ferocious shouts. **Yami mega anime forehead pulse**

"I AM _NOT_ YAMI EVEN IF I _DO _HAVE HIS DAMN VOICE AND BODY!" Even Bakura—pitifully sobbing as he had been moments before—couldn't ignore that.

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ME, DAMNIT! AND I DON'T EVER REMEMBER SAYING I _EVER_ WANTED TO BE YOU, EVEN IF I DID LOOK AND SOUND LIKE A DEMENTED PSYCHOMANIAC!" Bakura shouted—through the still closed door however… **Bakura mega anime forehead pulse**

"So, Bakura… welcome to my world. You live with me so don't feel uneasy about anything. Except for maybe the stove, I dunno. Yugi told me the stove was cursed to be against you." Ryou said.

"It is, it always gives me those little blue shocks that fry the ends of my bangs," Bakura protested. "He's never fried himself?" he asked.

"Of course you haven't, you use the microwave, mate."

"I do?" You could almost see the confused question mark coming off the side of Bakura's head. Ryou smiled and nodded.

"Yes, _you do._" Bakura stared at Ryou for a long moment.

"_Oh._ I get it." Ryou rolled his eyes.

"And here I was thinking Bakura was slow…"

**Elsewhere (meaning Yugi's house)…**

"What are you doing? You've been in there for an hour!"

"Can't I drown myself in peace?"

"NO! You are _not _Yami!"

"Really? The last time I checked I was…"

"Yet you yourself loudly protested outside Ryou's door that you were Bakura." The bathroom door flew open. Yami's face and hair dripped with water. "You're gonna need a lot of hair gel to get that back up you know…"

"I _am _Bakura. I'm just Yami too." Yami said.

"How obvious was that?" muttered Yugi.

"Drowning myself kills to birds with one stone; the Pharaoh and my already wounded dignity." Yami turned back but Yugi grabbed him and closed the door.

"It's my job to protect you as much as you protect me, so sue me if I won't let you drown quite so easily, or in the very least, my own bathroom…"

"Not a bad idea…" Yami muttered, pondering how much he could pawn off the hikari should he actually be sued as the said hikari led him to the kitchen.

"Can you cook?" Yugi asked, taking a bag of popcorn from a cupboard.

"Am I supposed to?" asked Yami, slouching over the island.

"Hey, you'll fit into Yami in no time at this rate." Yugi cheered. Yami glared at him. "Try using the stove. Here." Yugi got a frozen pizza (a/n: what do you guys like? Personally I go for DiGornio or however you spell it. Ryou: sounds good to me. Yugi: I'll eat it, no problem.) and slid it over to Yami. "This should be good…" he said under his breath, putting his popcorn in the microwave. Yami reached out to set the cook timer, and when his finger was within a centimeter from the buttons, a sharp blue spark passed between it and him.

"OW SHIT! What did I do!" snapped Yami. He turned to find Yugi stifling his laughter. "What happened!" he snarled.

"Hey, don't blame me, I guess the fact that you're the Pharaoh in body means the stove is still cursed against you," Yugi said almost singsong as he opened up his bag of popcorn (a/n: see? Psycho popcorn madness! Will come into play again).

"I AM _NOT _THE PHARAOH!" **Yami anime forehead pulse**

"Yugi, is that you making all that noise?"

"Mn-nn, thas Yani Granfa." called Yugi through a mouthful of popcorn.

"What did you say Yugi?" called Solomon, entering the kitchen. "Oh Yami, having a fight with the stove again are we?"

"I'm not Yami damnit!" (he retained the anime forehead pulse to this point too)

"Uh, he's gone and gotten himself drunk with Bakura," said Yugi. _How ironic… _Yugi though. **Anime sweatdrop **"Doesn't have the faintest clue what he's saying. C'mon Yami, go out into the living room and lay down or you'll make your hangover worse when it comes around."

"I am not drunk."

"I said go lay down!" Yugi snapped. "Excuse us for a moment Grandpa." Yugi stalked over to Yami and trucked him. This is quite easy for someone of Yugi's height to accomplish by merely picking up victims legs beneath them, essentially what he did to Yami. When the Pharaoh was down, Yugi dragged him by his legs out to the living room, then went back to the kitchen for his popcorn.

"Everything alright?" Solomon asked.

"Oh yeah. You have to be a little stern sometimes with those drunk pharaohs."

"I AM _NOT _THE PHARAOH!"

**Elsewhere (meaning Ryou's apartment)…**

"Get away from me!"

"Stay put so I can get you…"

"_Nooooooo! _Help!"

"If you wish."

"Oh shit—"

Don't think nasty you pervs (a/n: there are several other spots with settings like the one above, so be prepared). Tired of killing himself on other appliances, Bakura and Ryou started a tournament round of Tekken 5 on Ryou's Xbox. The hikari would be victorious against Bakura anyway, mainly because the real tomb raider only picked one character, Law. Bakura now had been boxed into a corner of the screen by Ryou and quickly K.O.ed for the twelfth time in a row (Yami: teach me to play these games before you randomly make me play them in some random fic!)

"And you lose again, mate."

"You have a kickboxing rabbit!" Bakura protested. **Anime forehead pulse**

"Kangaroo." Ryou corrected, still smiling cheerily.

"Whatever, I don't care what the hell it is, it's kicking my ass."

"Spoken like a true tomb raider." A pounding on the door reached their ears.

"Expecting someone?" asked Bakura, starting a new round.

"That'll be Marik coming to see you." said Ryou.

"Oh hell no." said Bakura, dropping the controller.

"_PERFECT!" _the game announced, as Ryou smashed Jin without a hit.

"Your TV's against me too," grumbled Bakura as Ryou let in Malik's yami.

"Take him and leave whenever," said Ryou, smiling. "He's a little drunk at the moment—must have been that alcoholic chocolate he ate—so you'll have to set him straight."

"Or make things worse, right?" said Marik, grinning.

"Yes, of course." Marik grabbed Bakura's arm and dragged him out while Ryou waved good-bye.

"Say hello to Malik for me?" Ryou called, ignoring Bakura's mouthed pleas to save him. Marik raised his free hand to assure he heard. "I never realized how evil I am." Ryou said, returning to his game. "Oh well."

……………………………………………………………………………………

Yami: Tell me what you're going to do to me.  
Bakura: Yes, please do.  
Specter: I think he's going to attack you. (Marik attack Yami, who is now housing Bakura)  
Yugi:  
Ryou:  
Yami:  
Bakura: _NANI!  
_Yami: I like that idea.  
Yugi: So what, he's gonna knock on my door and ask for Yami so he can attack him?  
Ryou: That'd be hilarious.  
Yami: Especially if he fell for it.  
Bakura: **Anime forehead pulse **Soon Pharaoh. Soon.


	3. Special!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M STILL HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIRRR!

Dudes, I know you don't wanna hear this crap from me, but I thought after all this time I would tell you all that I am not dead, not having a writers block, not having enough time, but in fact, my computer is stupid and as such I can't e-mail my self anything that I wrote so far. My mom thinks killed the computer the last time, nothing that she did poisoned the computer, oh no, only something I did…

Point is, I'll be back I swear. Hang with me and just read some other stuff in the time being. I'll come back all at once and give out cookies and plushies of those who waited (I have a special order of Chibi-fied Yami, Yugi, Bakura, Ryou, Marik and Malik coming in a few days)

yawn a waste of time, getting your hopes up that I had updated for real, gomen nasai. But I checked to see who was waiting for what, theirs a one person difference between this and 'By Blood Undone.' You will be sad to hear I haven't touched The Yami Switch TT.TT, but the point is I thought it best to reach out and check up with everyone.

STAY WITH ME! I'LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU KNOW IT!

Thanks a million,

Professor Specter


End file.
